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Gloom of Thrones - Kelly's Dragons

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KELLY C

Queen Dani Rainybrith of House McDragonface, First One They called This, Queen of the Eunuchs, Some Slaves, and Other Random Dudes, Lady of the Umpteen Kingdoms and Protectess of Eastereg, Lady of This Castle I Guess, Kelly C of the Bigass Meador, the Flame Retardant, and Handcuff Remover. When Kelly C isn’t posting pictures of her adorable kids (#dragonmom), she enjoys horseback riding, wine tasting, and deep conversations with her hubby, Karl Go-Go. She and her brother don’t talk anymore. He knows what he did.

KARL GO-GO

Whenever a Sorippedi dancer loses a dance-off, they must cut their hair. Karl Go-Go has never cut his hair. He has worked his way through the Nine Free Dance Clubs, conquering each of them in turn, and now he’s ready to bring his act – and his fan club, the Raving Horde – to Eastereg, where he hopes to make waves in the competitive partner-dancing scene with his new wife Kelly C and earn a spot on Dancing with the Dragons, the hottest show around. Dragon Picking? The Jester’s Landing Shuffle? The Gold Pour? Go-Go has mastered all the moves of the dance floor, including the most important move of all: After all, a Karl who cannot Ride the Pony is no Karl.

RURAL JURAH

“Staberys Rainybirth, no stabbing! Staberys, no stabbing! Staberys, no stabbing!” Rural did the best he could, but Staberys never really understood the call of the dance and never accepted that Kelly C and Karl Go-Go had become united in their passion for a good two-step.

Rural Jurah was once the finest dance coach in Eastereg. When he was a younger man, he married his dancing partner, Lynette, after they won state together. Lynette, tragically, was addicted to spangly leotards, and was disappointed when Rural became more interested in line-dancing. Desperate to keep his wife happy, Rural eventually sold their back-up dancers into slavery… which, it turns, out is very, very, very illegal.

LORD VARIES

Do you have a friend who you would trust with your life? Good for you! Odds are pretty high that he’s actually selling you out to Lord Varies. The good news is that Lord Varies swaps sides so often that he’ll probably be working for you by next week and your secrets will be totally safe with him.

DRAGONS

ROAR, roar, roar. Roar, ROAR, roar. Roar, ROAR. ROAR, ROAR, roar. ROAR, ROAR, ROAR. ROAR, roar. Roar, roar, roar.

On Kickstarter Now! – Next: Brotherhood Without Pants

Gloom of Thrones: The Bannisters

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TOFFY BRATSFOREONS

Everyone dreams of having loving parents. And Toffy’s parents love each other very, very much. Probably a little too much, honestly. After a successful and fulfilling childhood of torturing and “executing” various small, furry animals, Toffy graduated to a young adulthood of torturing and executing people. The utterly banal “cleverness” and petty mundanity of his arrogant sadism have made Toffy universally beloved, if nowhere other than in his own mind. Toffy’s mother has arranged any number of weddings for her precious little angel, but Toffy feels like marriage would be the death of him and has been deftly postponing the happy nuptials by completely alienating every single one of them.

CERIOUSLY BANNISTER

Ceriously is the only daughter of Trywin. Despite the recent death of her husband, King Bobby Bratsforëöns, she has been coping with what is certainly immense grief with a stiff upper lip. The support from her brother Shamey during this time of trouble has also been remarkably stiff. All she cares about now is making sure that her children – Toffy, Malteaser, and Toblerone – can all enjoy the lives they so richly deserve. And if anyone gets in the way of that, Ceriously has a cannister of whoopass and wildfire with their name on it.

Malteaser’s recent nosebleeds are a little troubling, but she’ll be fine. Probably.

SHAMEY BANNISTER

King Hairy McDragonface was caught with his pants down when he was stabbed on the Porcelain Throne by Shamey Bannister. This low blow echoed throughout the Umpteen Kingdoms and Shamey has been known as the Kingslayer ever since. Shamey remains a member of the Kingsitters, and his twin sister often remarks how handsome he looks in the all-white cloak and gold armor.

TYPSION BANNISTER

The Red-Faced Baron of Boobies and Booze! Also known as the Little Lusher and the Green Fairy, Typsion is the youngest child of Lord Trywin. He has always used his clever wit to overcome the prejudice he’s had to deal with his entire life. And, if that fails, he’ll just get people drunk enough that they forget how short he is. His sister Ceriously refuses to drink with him and also refuses to ever let him forget how short he is, so Typsion tries to avoid her as much as possible. But not as much as he avoids his father: Typsion likes to marry random women he’s just met in an Elvish Chapel on the Jester’s Landing Strip and then see how long it takes for his father to figure it out and issue an edict annulling the wedding. It’s a petty sort of revenge, but it’s the only thing Typsion is capable of. At least for now.

TRYWIN BANNISTER

Trywin is the richest and most powerful man in the Umpteen Kingdoms. Historically, the Bannisers’ power derives from the intersection of several influences: First, their long-standing support of the UKSPCD (the Umpteen Kingdoms Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Direcorgis; a Bannister always spays their pets). Second, the strategically advantageous position of their capital Castle Rock (from which they regularly export moody writers of bestselling horror fiction). Third, the constant and untiring support of the Tinfoil Bank. Trywin has made it clear that he intends to fully restore the luster of the Bannisters’ name, starting with the spaying of all the werewolves of House Remus (as remembered by the tragic song “Full Moons of Castamere”) and culminating with placing his grandchildren on the throne by virtue of marrying his only daughter, Ceriously, to King Bobby Bratsforëöns.

On Kickstarter Now! – Next: Kelly’s Dragons

Gloom of Thrones - The Snarks

SANSERIF SNARK

When Sanserif was a little girl, her mother Waitin told her that if she kept rolling her eyes like that it would make her head fall off. If she ever sees her mother again, Sanserif would like to tell her that it’s definitely not rolling your eyes that makes your head fall off. Or your whole body fall through a giant hole in the floor for that matter. Whatever. Look, the point is that Sanserif spent her entire childhood dreaming that she would grow up to be part of Fairytale Gloom and this is NOT. WHAT. SHE. WAS. PROMISED.

ARIAL SNARK

Arial was a no-nonsense girl who grew up wanting three things: First, a sword. Second, a second sword. Third, to stab people with her swords. In any rational world, therefore, Arial would be super happy with her life, but somehow it hasn’t turned out like that. She misses her dad. She misses Syriously Forreal (no relation), who taught her the Art of the Pincushion. She even misses her dumb sister, Sanserif. Fear cuts deeper than a sword, but a sword will do in a pinch.

JOSH FROST

Josh’s father was [SPOILER] and his mother was [SPOILER], which makes him [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER] and he also [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER]. He got very cold, but he got better. He died, but he got better. He’s probably going to get married, but he’ll get better.

HEAD SNARK

Head Snark, Lord of Winterstumble, Lord Mount-a-Pair, Warden of the North, Foot of the Ruler to King Bobby Bratsforëöns, and Kind of Slow to Notice Things. He and Bobby were both fostered to Johnny Errant, who taught Snark everything he knew and taught Bobby how to drink, hunt boar, and woo women. (Johnny wasn’t actually good at any of those things, which explains a lot about Bobby.) Snark is survived by his wife Waitlin and his loving children Rockwell, Sanserif, and Arial.

GLUTEN SNARK

Gluten was introduced to the wonders of absinthe by Typsion Bannister. When he goes on a bender with the Green Fairy, he often suffers from what he refers to as his “greensight” and has some difficulty distinguishing delusion from reality. That’s probably how he ended up falling out of that window, honestly.

On Kickstarter Now! – Next: The Bannisters

Justin Alexander is… the Voice of Gloom.

If you’ve ever wondered what my voice sounds like in real life… this is not it. Generally speaking, any way. If I’m specifically doing these character voices, then, yes, this is what I sound like.

You know what I mean.

Any way, you should check out this trailer: Nicolas Gluesenkamp has done some marvelous work animating Brian Patterson’s beautiful and hilarious art.


A GAME OF TRANSPARENT PARODY AND MISERABLE MONARCHS

From the frozen lands of the Snark to the torrid intrigues of the Bannisters, there is one truth that echoes through the Umpteen Kingdoms: Gloom is coming…

Epic Fantasy is Ghastly

Prophecies of doom. Protagonists slopping through the wilderness. Battles of blood and mud. At least in Gloom of Thrones you know the story will get an ending.

Tell the Tale of Your Noble Family

Plague them with mishaps like Seduced by a Sibling or Tumbled from a Tower while heaping happy events like w̶e̶d̶d̶i̶n̶g̶s̶ and family reunions onto your opponents to raise their Self-Worth score.

Award-winning Gameplay with Clear Cards

Unique transparent cards let you play multiple cards on the same character, determining their ultimate fate while still allowing you to see straight through their machinations!


Gloom of Thrones - Created by Kyla McT

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Review: New Angeles

May 10th, 2018

New Angeles - Fantasy Flight Games

In New Angeles the players each take on the role of a hypercorp in a cyberpunk megalopolis that’s fraying at the edges due to the social and economic crises created by the introduction of android labor. You play cooperatively to face the emerging crises of the city, trying to prevent the city from descending into enough chaos that the federal government moves in and shuts down the party. On the other hand, each player also has a secret rival and you need to ruthlessly exploit the city in order to earn more capital than your corporate rival.

Hypothetically, this tension between collective good and personal need will create dynamic, high-stakes gameplay.

Spoilers: It doesn’t.

CHOICE vs. CALCULATION

New Angeles should be exactly the type of game I love. The basic dynamic (collectively dealing with crises while seeking personal advantage for the victory condition) is shared with Republic of Rome, for example, which is one of my personal favorites.

The fundamental problem which cripples the game is that the crises faced all boil down to simplistic calculations instead of meaningful choices. At any given time, there are two problems faced by the hypercorps:

  • A demand which must be met by producing X amount of five different resources. If the demand isn’t met, threat is generated.
  • An upcoming event which will generate threat unless a specific type of problem is dealt with (Orgcrime, Human First activists, outages, unrest, illness).

Ideally there would be a meaningful choice between these two problems. This would create a space for legitimate negotiation (by arguing that Problem A is more important than Problem B, and therefore your action to deal with Problem A should be supported instead of the other guy’s proposal to deal with Problem B). Except this doesn’t happen, because the threat gained from failing to meet demand is virtually always higher than the potential threat gained from the upcoming event: Thus, rather than a choice, you have a calculation. If the group is forced to choose between meeting demand or dealing with the problem highlighted by the upcoming event, the calculation is always to meet demand.

This wouldn’t necessarily be a problem if you still had legitimate choices to make in how you meet the demand. The combination of board state, the limited number of actions you can take, and the specific combination of resources you need to generate in order to meet the current demand means that nine times out of ten there is one clear path to meeting the demand.

What you’re left with is a game that basically plays itself: There is always a clear set of specific actions that need to be taken, with little or no spare room for doing anything other than those actions.

Although the game features a complex cluster of scoring mechanics, the fact that the game plays itself boils the result down to random number generators: You’re hoping that you randomly draw the scoring abilities that match the randomly generated demand and board state.

The game could be potentially bailed out here if you had the ability to meaningfully cut deals based on personal greed: “Screw the city, let’s get together and make some profit!” But two things conspire to limit this dynamic. First, in any given interaction the scoring is uni-dimensional; you generally aren’t presented with and can’t create situations where you’ve got a pool of points and can divvy them out. Second, the overwhelming randomness of the game prevents meaningful long-term deal-swapping. (You can’t say, “I do X now and then you do Y later.” because there’s generally no specific “later” that will reliably create a desirable outcome.)

The other thing that could potentially save the game would be some degree of uncertainty about what the city actually needs, allowing for legitimate arguments that X would be a better preparatory action than Y. But each time you resolve the current demand, all of your resources are reset to a clean slate before dealing with the next demand, so preparatory action is largely impossible.

RUNAWAY LEADER

The other thing which cripples New Angeles is the runaway leaders.

The designers clearly think they’ve eliminated the runaway leader problem because there can be no leader! Each individual player has a rival, and you only care what your specific rival’s score is!

… except they’ve deceived themselves. What often holds a runaway leader in check in games like this is that everyone gangs up on them and pulls them back to the pack. That doesn’t happen in New Angeles specifically because only one person cares about the runaway leader: If your rival pulls out a big lead on you, you’re basically screwed and nobody else cares.

A related problem revolves around the Deal. The Deal is the central gameplay mechanic of the game: The current player offers an action card and then, through a bidding process, one other player has the option of offering a different action card. The other players (those who aren’t offering one of the two action cards), then bid to determine which action card will be resolved (which will also give the winner a bonus in the form of an asset which offers some special ability).

On the surface, the Deal seems very clever and immersive, supposedly creating high-stakes negotiations. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work. In addition to the fact that the game plays itself (largely defanging the Deal in 90% of the turns you’ll take), even when you do have a turn with a meaningful Deal you’re faced with a more fundamental problem: The entire action economy runs through the Deal. If you can’t take actions, you can’t gain tradable resources. If you can’t gain resources, you have nothing to trade to convince other people to let you take actions.

AND ALSO A KINGMAKER PROBLEM

Lots of games featuring a point track suffer from a kingmaker problem late in the game (where someone who knows they’re losing is confronted with choices which basically determine which of the other players will win the game). New Angeles raises this to a whole new level because players are allowed to directly trade their personal points to another player at any time.

At the end of this 3-5 hour long game, people will have generally scored somewhere between 30 and 50 points. The margins of victory, however, will usually be in the single digits.

If you play rationally, therefore, everything you’ve done up to this point is rendered almost entirely meaningless in a final furious round of horse-trading to determine the actual winners.

It’s also equally likely that a runaway leader will have enough spare points to arbitrarily choose winners and losers. Or, conversely, a player who knows they can’t possibly win will have a pool of, say, 30 points that they can now arbitrarily dole out to all of the other players.

THINGS THAT MIGHT HAVE HELPED

In order for meaningful choice to exist, you need to have two (or more) objectives that are put into conflict with each other.

New Angeles lacks that conflict. It therefore lacks true choices. And it therefore lacks the ability to negotiate and debate between those choices. Even if the mechanical structures it provides for competitive negotiation were flawless (and they aren’t), they would be rendered meaningless because, by and large, there’s nothing to negotiate.

It may be easiest to understand this by looking at some ways in which New Angeles could have avoided this problem.

Persistent/Escalating Demand. As described above, the fundamental component of gameplay is generating X resources to meet Y demand. You’ll do this three times over the course of the game, wiping out all of the resources you’ve generated each time.

New Angeles - Fantasy Flight GamesIf you didn’t wipe out all the resources you generated, however, you could meaningfully argue for long-term gains (“we can produce an excess now, so that we’ve got a more comfortable buffer for next time”) against solutions to your immediate problems. This would also inherently create an incomplete information problem (whereby calculations are turned into choices because you have to make the decision before having enough information to make a reliable calculation) because of the uncertainty surrounding future demand.

The game could have done this in two different ways: First, allowing you to keep your surplus after meeting demand. Second, using a set of escalating demand cards (so that you’d keep all your resources, but Stage II demand cards would demand even more production from you).

More Secondary Production. You generally generate resources by exploiting different districts of the city. Although some of these districts generate a primary and secondary resources, most only generate a single resource type. If there was more secondary production, there could be legitimate debate not about the primary production, but about which non-essential secondary production would be chosen.

This would work even better if you had secondary production that generated something other than resources.

Multiple Paths to Victory. Victory in New Angeles boils down to a single metric: Having more points. This makes it incredibly difficult for the game to escape the crippling flaw of boiling down to calculation instead of choice, because ultimately all actions are only meaningful insofar as they either directly or indirectly generate points.

By contrast, consider the aforementioned Republic of Rome (which features a very similar gameplay dynamic to New Angeles): In Republic of Rome you win by becoming Consul for Life. But you can do so through money, influence, military revolt, and/or manipulating other players’ vote totals using a variety of mechanics (including assassinations, concessions, and military assignments). Each of those is a different resource, which creates the incomparable comparisons that result in meaningful negotiation and deal-making.

Varied Costs for Actions. Most of the action cards in the game do X while having a cost Y. (You have to destroy a beneficial Prisec unit in order to remove two enemy units. Or you break up a strike, but at the cost of provoking Human First protests.) The game would benefit enormously from having the same outcome X available with a significant variety of costs, which would allow two players to offer the same necessary action while arguing for different costs. (“I think we should violently break up this strike at the cost of dealing with Human First protests tomorrow.” vs. “I think we should break up the strike by sacrificing a Prisec unit.” vs. “I think we should just move the strike to a different location.” vs. “I think we should use my Orgcrime contacts to roust the strikers.” vs. “I think we could patiently negotiate with the strikers and resolve their problems, at the cost of 2 production credits or a group sacrifice of 10 personal capital.” and so forth.) Unfortunately, the game generally doesn’t offer these options (more generally favoring a “this card lets you get rid of a little bit of problem X with a no/minimal cost and this other card lets you get rid of a lot of it at a higher cost”). If it did, you would again have the opportunity to debate legitimate incomparables: We all know that we need to get rid of the Strike token in this district, but what price are we willing to pay to do it?

CONCLUSION

Unfortunately, none of the things which would improve New Angeles are quick or easy fixes. It thus comes tantalizingly close to being a really compelling and interesting game, but is instead limited to mediocrity. A mediocrity which is compounded by its rather long playing time (3-5 hours in actual practice).

It probably plays better if your group is really bad at co-op games and incapable of performing the calculations. So it’s got that going for it, I guess.

But for me and mine, this game has been dumped onto eBay and won’t be returning to our table again.

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