SANSERIF SNARK
When Sanserif was a little girl, her mother Waitin told her that if she kept rolling her eyes like that it would make her head fall off. If she ever sees her mother again, Sanserif would like to tell her that it’s definitely not rolling your eyes that makes your head fall off. Or your whole body fall through a giant hole in the floor for that matter. Whatever. Look, the point is that Sanserif spent her entire childhood dreaming that she would grow up to be part of Fairytale Gloom and this is NOT. WHAT. SHE. WAS. PROMISED.
ARIAL SNARK
Arial was a no-nonsense girl who grew up wanting three things: First, a sword. Second, a second sword. Third, to stab people with her swords. In any rational world, therefore, Arial would be super happy with her life, but somehow it hasn’t turned out like that. She misses her dad. She misses Syriously Forreal (no relation), who taught her the Art of the Pincushion. She even misses her dumb sister, Sanserif. Fear cuts deeper than a sword, but a sword will do in a pinch.
JOSH FROST
Josh’s father was [SPOILER] and his mother was [SPOILER], which makes him [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER] and he also [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER]. He got very cold, but he got better. He died, but he got better. He’s probably going to get married, but he’ll get better.
HEAD SNARK
Head Snark, Lord of Winterstumble, Lord Mount-a-Pair, Warden of the North, Foot of the Ruler to King Bobby Bratsforëöns, and Kind of Slow to Notice Things. He and Bobby were both fostered to Johnny Errant, who taught Snark everything he knew and taught Bobby how to drink, hunt boar, and woo women. (Johnny wasn’t actually good at any of those things, which explains a lot about Bobby.) Snark is survived by his wife Waitlin and his loving children Rockwell, Sanserif, and Arial.
GLUTEN SNARK
Gluten was introduced to the wonders of absinthe by Typsion Bannister. When he goes on a bender with the Green Fairy, he often suffers from what he refers to as his “greensight” and has some difficulty distinguishing delusion from reality. That’s probably how he ended up falling out of that window, honestly.
