Human teeth wear out. Even if you avoid the deleterious effects of cavities and gum disease, sheer wear and tear will eventually grind your teeth down. So by the end of a few decades of life, it’s not at all unusual for people to start losing some or all of their teeth.
Elves, on the other hand, live for centuries. Perhaps even longer.
So one of three things must be true.
First, elves have human-like teeth, which means that elder elves must surely be toothless. We would expect elven dentures to be quite common and well-crafted, perhaps even becoming enchanted in various ways. We might also expect elven cuisines to feature a great deal of very soft foods, both to preserve their teeth for as long as possible, and then to support their toothless elder class.
Second, elven teeth are quite different from human teeth, possessed of almost adamantine endurance to resist the grind of centuries. It would follow that this “elven ivory” would be considered quite valuable among the unethical. We might also imagine that whatever material gives elven ivory its unique properties might have some unique appearance. Perhaps elven teeth glow silver in the dark?
Third, elves are not limited to a single set of adult teeth like humans, but instead have multiple sets over the course of their lives. Elves might correlate these to various stages of “post-adult” life that are completely alien to human understanding. Perhaps they might refer to their elders as “ninth-toothed” and, to an elf, the adjective “toothy” means wise.
Alternatively, perhaps they are constantly shedding teeth like a shark. Their ephemeral companions on the road might see them carelessly spitting out loose teeth into the fire. Trackers following the trail of an elven hunting party might find the occasional tooth they’ve shed and left in their wake.
UPDATE
Delightful discussion here, on social media, and on the Alexandrian Discord pointed out a fourth option: Elven teeth continually grow from the root, like a badgers. An ironic oversight because these worldbuilding fancies were tangentially prompted by my new elven Pathfinder character filing his incisors into “Gorum fangs” in honor of his now-dead god.
Ever-growing teeth, however, require constant wear. This elven cuisine would likely be filled with unusually hard delicacies, perhaps even flavored sands. Other options would also be pursued: While wood elves might just gnaw on any old stick they find in the forest, more civilized elves would have elegant gnaw-tapers filled with aromatic flavors and placed within elegant holders. With ever-renewing teeth, elven cultures would likely also feature decorative and highly elaborate living scrimshaw. There’d be at least some elven cultures where the elven upper class shows off their wealth by letting their teeth grow into twisted (they’d say “fluted”) spires, and others where having ungnawed or irregularly gnawed teeth would make you a slack-jawed yokel. The phrase “raw-toothed fool” would enter the elven lexicon, and likely also be applied as a slur to humans and their weak little mouth-bones.
But, of course, this is not all:
Thanks particularly to Loris, Kyo618, Arno, and, of course, Mr. Stross. Also check the great ideas in the comments below.
Awesome. The third idea is easily my favourite, then the second (which would make more sense from a tokienian POV) and last the mystic dentures.
But the third makes them less of a human with pointy ears and annoying good looks.
and, to an elf, the adjective “toothy” means.… I think the sentence is incomplete?
You are missing one option: teeth that constantly grow and need to be filed down every so often, like rabbit and beaver teeth.
What does the adjective ‘toothy’ mean. To an elf? I think you missed that concluding statement.
A few other possibilities. Maybe elven teeth regenerate during their nightly magical trance state; teeth grinding isn’t a thing for elves. Once the teeth fall out (or are removed), they cease to exhibit any special properties.
Or perhaps the solution is somehow related to the more often-noticed paradox of how a century-old elf somehow starts their adventuring career as a level 1 character, physical and mentally equivalent to an 18-year-old human.
Maybe they get a second set of teeth at 100 years old, and the tooth fairy (Tasha? The Raven Queen?) takes the baby teeth as raw material for rare magical items?
#3a: Elves are like sharks, always growing multiple rows of new teeth behind the teeth they mainly use. When one falls out the teeth behind it move up.
Corollary: if they take care of their teeth and they last longer, the primary function of elven dental care becomes removing teeth so they don’t have problems with the new ones backing up (dental constipation).
There seems to be a missing phrase after “and, to an elf, the adjective ‘toothy’ means.”
… shark-like elves… that makes the relationship between sahuagin and sea-elves stranger. The ultimate subjugation is being transformed into a shark and doing the sahuagins bidding…
Last night’s edibles were a *good batch*.
This is the best post you ever wrote.
This is the kind of bizarre logical content that I am here for.
Bravo, I love the thought-provoking content. I guess this would also apply to dwarves and gnomes as well.
Trust Meester Alexander to make a shitpost that is also a serious worldbuilding prompt.
What about Dwarves? They also live for several hundred years.
They could also have ever-growing teeth and munch on the rocks they mine.
Another possibility is that elves simply regrow teeth – not in sets, just naturally. Which leads to a bunch of interesting conclusions:
1. The concept of “baby teeth” and “adult teeth” is completely alien to them.
2. This probably also applies to other bones – can elves regrow arms and legs?
3. Follow-up from #2…what happens if an elf’s leg breaks/sets “wrong” and starts regrowing from scratch instead of healing?
4. Is there a limit to this regrowth? If kept alive (by magic obviously), can you cut an elf’s head off and let them regrow their entire body?
5. Is this a stem cell thing? We know a fair amount about how stem cells work IRL (I don’t though), how many ethical issues from there can be jammed in?