Today I want to talk about the single most-broken rule in all of D&D: The Diplomacy skill.

Oh, there are almost certainly abusive combinations of rules which can achieve a similar or even greater level of power (Pun-Pun comes to mind), but I know of no rule so inordinately broken when it is used precisely as the designers intended and exactly as it is written.

In short, the Diplomacy skill is the win button for D&D. It is the equivalent of punching UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT A B SELECT START into a Konami cartridge. It is the unmitigated silver tongue of victory. Consider:

1. Hostile is the absolute most negative opinion someone can have of you. Helpful means that the person is willing to “protect, back up, heal, and aid” you — it is literally a person willing to put themselves in harm’s way for you.

2. To turn a Hostile character into a Helpful character requires a DC 50 Diplomacy check.

3. This takes 1 minute. But by accepting a -10 penalty on the check you can perform it as a standard action. And this is explicitly allowed even if you are engaged in active combat with the character in question.

So, effectively, if Frodo were to sit down for a chat with Sauron and make a DC 50 Diplomacy check, Sauron would give him a tour guide and a detailed map showing him the best hiking paths to Mount Doom.

A PC could be facing an ancient red wyrm, it’s mouth gaping to release a fiery blast of death, and in less than six seconds they could turn the ancient red wyrm into a helpful friend with a DC 60 Diplomacy check. And the ancient red wyrm would be helpful forever after because there is absolutely no provision given for the effects of a successful Diplomacy check to ever come to an end.

“Well, sure, that’s true,” you may be thinking. “But we’re talking about a DC 50 or a DC 60 check. That’s a pretty tough check to make.”

That’s true. But once you can make a DC 60 check, you never need to fight a round of combat ever again. (You may be thinking that mindless opponents might still pose a challenge. But consider: You can now turn Zeus himself into a helpful ally willing to back you up in less than six seconds. Even if he doesn’t bring the rest of the Greek pantheon with him, you can spend another couple of minutes to get them all onboard. Invest in some magical communication devices — and by invest I mean “ask that 20th level wizard who became your new best friend in the last six seconds to make them for you” — and all those gods are now effectively on-call for you. “Zeus old buddy, old pal, could you lend a friend a lightning bolt?”)

And how difficult is it to achieve that DC 60 check? Not very. Consider an 8th level character with Diplomacy as a class skill:

• +6 Charisma (18 starting, +2 ability increases, +2 ability boost item)
• +11 skill ranks
• +3 Skill Focus
• +2 Negotiator feat
• +2 synergy bonus from Bluff
• +2 synergy bonus from Knowledge (nobility and royalty)
• +2 synergy bonus from Sense Motive
• +15 skill boost item

That’s a total +43 bonus to Diplomacy checks. The DC 50 check is now achieved 65% of the time and the DC 60 check is achieved 15% of the time.

By 13th level the game is over. The wealth-by-level guidelines now allow you to pick up a +30 skill boost item and you are automatically succeeding on the DC 60 check. No matter what the DM throws at you, six seconds later it’s your best friend. Unless it’s mindless. And if it’s mindless, you shouldn’t have any difficulty finding someone to kill it or you, since everyone in the world who has a mind loves you at almost the instant that they see you.

And, it should be noted, that the DC 60 check is only the most abusive use of the Diplomacy skill. Remember our scenario involving winning Zeus over as a helpful ally willing to put himself in harm’s way for you? Well, unless you’ve done something to piss Zeus off at you, Zeus isn’t likely to be hostile towards you. He’s probably Indifferent at worst.

To move Zeus from Indifferent to Helpful is only DC 30. A 1st level human can make that check every single time:

• +4 Charisma (18 starting)
• +4 skill ranks
• +3 Skill Focus
• +2 Negotiator feat
• +2 synergy bonus from Bluff
• +2 synergy bonus from Knowledge (nobility and royalty)
• +2 synergy bonus from Sense Motive

That’s a total bonus of +19 for the win. By 4th level you can automatically make the DC 40 check necessary to do it in less than six seconds.

When I point this out to people who have not previously considered it, I am often met with one of two rejoinders:

REJOINDER 1: “No DM in his right mind would allow that.”

This is true. But this is also an example of what I refer to as the Rule 0 Fallacy. To whit: “The rule isn’t broken because I can fix it.” In the very act of admitting that no DM would allow it, you have admitted that it is a broken rule which needs to be fixed. (Whenever someone invokes this fallacy I often wonder if they try to use the same logic in real life: “Those brakes aren’t broken, any decent mechanic could fix them.” “There isn’t a hole in that bucket because I could patch it whenever I wanted to.”)

REJOINDER 2: “Holy shit!”

TOMORROW:
THE FIVE FLAWS OF DIPLOMACY

BASIC CROWDS

Crowds are treated as difficult terrain (movement is at half speed). Characters in a crowd benefit from soft cover (+4 bonus to AC).

A character in a crowd may also become entangled by the crowd. When moving through a crowd, a character must make a Reflex save (DC 12) or become entangled. A character can take a move action on their turn to attempt a new Reflex saving throw or Escape Artist check at the same DC. If they are successful, they are no longer considered entangled.

(An entangled creature suffers a -2 penalty to attack rolls and a -4 penalty to effective Dexterity. An entangled character’s speed is halved again, resulting in movement at one-quarter speed within the crowd, and they cannot run or charge. An entangled character who attempts to cast a spell must make a Concentration check (DC 15) or lose the spell.)

MOVING CROWDS: Crowds can move on initiative count 0 at the base speed of the creatures making up the crowd. When a crowd moves, characters in the crowd must make a Reflex save (DC 12) or become entangled by the crowd (see above).

In addition, moving crowds create a flow of traffic within the crowd which lasts until the crowd’s next turn. Moving perpendicular to the flow of traffic inflicts a -2 penalty on the character’s Reflex save to avoid becoming entangled. Moving directly against the flow of traffic inflicts a -4 penalty on the character’s Reflex save to avoid becoming entangled by the crowd.

Characters entangled in a moving crowd are carried along by the crowd’s movement. At the end of the crowd’s turn, they are moved in the direction of the flow of traffic one-half the distance traveled by the crowd. Entangled characters can attempt to resist this movement by making a Fortitude save (DC 12) as a free action, but on a failure they are knocked prone.

PANICKED CROWDS: When presented with an obvious danger, a crowd will move away from that danger with a base speed of 30 feet. If someone is actually injured or attacked, however, a crowd will generally panic. A panicked crowd will run away from the danger at four times their base speed.

If a panicked crowd cannot flee, characters within the crowd must make a Reflex save (DC 12) each round to avoid being crushed in the panic. On a failure, the character is knocked prone.

Characters who are knocked prone in a panicked or running crowd risk being trampled: On its turn, the crowd makes an attack roll against each prone character inside of it. Crowds are considered to have an attack bonus of +0, modified by the size of the creatures making up the crowd. If the attack is successful, the prone character suffers bludgeoning damage based on the size of the creatures making up the crowd (1d6 for medium creatures, see table).

Characters in a running or panicked crowd suffer a -4 penalty on checks to avoid becoming entangled or knocked prone by the crowd.

CROWD DAMAGE

CROWD MODIFIERS

CROWDS AND SIZE: Characters larger or smaller than Medium size should add their special size modifier for grapple checks to any check made to avoid becoming entangled or knocked prone by a crowd. The special size modifier for grapple checks of the creatures making up the crowd should be added as a modifier to the DC of those checks.

The special size modifier for a grapple check is as follows: Colossal +16, Gargantuan +12, Huge +8, Large +4, Medium +0, Small –4, Tiny –8, Diminutive –12, Fine –16.

HEAVY CROWDS: As a general rule of thumb, a crowd is considered a heavy crowd when there is an average of more than one creature per 5 feet. Characters in a heavy crowd benefit from cover (instead of soft cover), but suffer a -2 penalty when making checks to avoid being entangled or knocked prone by a crowd.

MANIPULATING CROWDS

You can attempt to direct a crowd’s movement by making a Diplomacy check (DC 15) as a full action or an Intimidate check (DC 20) as a free action. These checks are modified by the crowd’s general relationship with the character attempting the check (see the Diplomacy skill). If the crowd is panicked, the check is made at a -10 penalty.

OPPOSED ATTEMPTS: If two or more characters are trying to direct a crowd in different directions, they make opposed Diplomacy or Intimidate checks to determine who the crowd listens to. The crowd ignores everyone if none of the characters’ check results beat the minimum DCs given above.

MOB TEMPLATE

Unlike a generic crowd, a mob takes action (usually violent action). You can create a mob by applying a template to a base creature representing the typical member of the mob (see below). A mob is made up of approximately 12 creatures of the base type. Larger mobs are made up of many smaller mobs.

A mob uses all of the base creature’s statistics and special abilities, except as noted here:

Size: A mob takes up a space four times larger than the base creature and is considered a creature of the resulting size. (For example, a mob of Medium-size creatures would take up four 5-foot squares and would be considered a Large creature. A mob of Large creatures would take up sixteen 5-foot squares and would be considered a Gargantuan creature.)

Unlike other creatures, a mob’s space is shapeable. It can occupy any contiguous space and it can squeeze through any space large enough to contain one of its component creatures.

A mob has the same reach as the base creature.

Type: A mob gains the Mob subtype with the following qualities.

• A mob can move through squares occupied by enemies and vice versa without impediment, although a mob provokes an attack opportunity if it does so.
• A mob has no clear front or back and no discernible anatomy, so it is not subject to critical hits or flanking.
• A mob’s hit points represent its cohesion. Reducing a mob to 0 hit points or lower causes it to break up, though damage taken until that point does not degrade its ability to attack or resist attack. Mobs are never staggered or reduced to a dying state by damage.
• Mobs cannot be tripped or grappled.
• A mob takes half damage from all attacks and effects, except for spells and effects which affect an area (such as splash weapons and many evocation spells).
• A mob is immune to any spell or effect that targets a specific number of creatures (including single-target spells such as hold person) unless the spell causes damage (in which case it deals half the damage it would deal to a single target) or is a mind-affecting effect (charms, compulsions, phantasms, patterns, and morale effects).

Attack: A mob retains all the attacks of the base creature and also gains a slam attack if it didn’t already have one. This slam attack uses the base creature’s melee attack bonus and causes bludgeoning damage based on the size of the base creature (see the Crowd Damage table) plus the Strength modifier of the base creature.

Special Attacks: A mob retains all the special attacks of the base creature and gains those described below.

Improved Grab (Ex): When a mob hits with its slam attack, it can attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Trample (Ex): A mob’s trample attack deals bludgeoning damage equal to the mob’s slam attack + 1 ½ times its Strength modifier. Targets may attempt a Reflex save with a DC equal to 10 +  ½ the base creature’s HD  + the base creature’s Strength modifier.

Special Qualities: A mob retains all the special qualities of the base creature and gains those described below.

Heavy Crowd (Ex): A mob is considered to be a heavy crowd except that they take action on their own initiative count (and not initiative count 0). Characters in a mob are affected as if they were in a heavy crowd in all ways. Characters attempting to manipulate a mob suffer a -4 penalty to their check.

Mob Members (Ex): Although a mob is immune to any spell or effect that targets a specific number of creatures, a character can use such an effect while targeting a specific creature within the mob. If the effect causes the target to die, fall unconscious, become paralyzed, or suffer similar incapacitation, the mob suffers 1d6 points of damage. Otherwise it has no effect on the mob.

Mob Qualities: See above.

Abilities: Str +4

Challenge Rating: +1

FATE OF A MOB: When a mob breaks up, each member must make a Fortitude save (DC 10). If the mob was broken up using nonlethal means, a failure on this saving throw indicates the member is unconscious (as a result of nonlethal damage). If the mob was broken up using lethal means, a failure on this saving throw indicates the member is unconscious and reduced to 1d4-2 hit points.

Design Notes for Advanced Rules: Crowds

I talked about my frustration with the DMG II a couple of days ago: It’s a book that has rules for a lot of situations that I find it useful to have rules for, but most of those rules are either needlessly complicated, unbalanced, incomplete, or some combination of three. One example of this, in my opinion, are the rules for burning buildings, which I’ve already discussed.

Another example are the rules for handling crowds, mobs, and traffic.

The most glaring problem is that there are different rules for handling crowds, mobs, and traffic. These are all obviously different facets of the same phenomenon (large groups of people), so it would make sense for them all to be based on the same mechanic. Instead they’re all based on different mechanics, which makes the rules more difficult to use and more difficult to master.

For example, traffic is supposed to be a “specific type of crowd”. But the rules for traffic alter the standard rules for crowds in about a half dozen different ways until they have fewer things in common with crowds than they have things not in common with crowds. (And even though traffic is a “specific type of crowd”, there are some forms of traffic which aren’t crowds. Yeah, that’s not confusing in the slightest.)

Meanwhile mobs are handled with a completely different mechanic which can basically be summed up like this: Apply a template to the base creature making up the mob in order to make the base creature more powerful than an an ancient red dragon.

Mobs are ridiculously overpowered. This not only makes it difficult for the DM to use the rules to construct interesting scenarios, it becomes completely untenable if the players decide to use the rules to their own advantage: There are a wide variety of ways for characters to accumulate a couple dozen people under their control or influence.

Mobs are also unnecessarily complicated. The description of the template alone takes up a page and a half of text — and applying it requires you to essentially create an entirely new stat block from scratch. This means that the rules can never be effectively used on-the-fly.

In the end, I decided to simply scrap the DMG II rules entirely. The rules I’ve devised for handling crowds can be found here. They’re designed to use existing abilities and conditions as much as possible, and to keep the rules simple enough that you can use them quickly and efficiently use them during play even if you’ve never looked at them before. They have only been playtested once — resulting in a very memorable experience — so I’d love to get feedback from anyone who uses them. The rules are also being released under the OGL.

Vince Garcia asked, “What got you into D&D?”

I can’t really pin it down too precisely. The general concept of these games in which a Gamemaster described the world while other players played characters in that world just kind of percolated into my consciousness.

I know E.T. (and the novelization of E.T.) is in there somewhere. I know that the ads TSR used to take out in Marvel Comics in the 1980s played a part. There were probably other influences. (Oddly, at this point, I don’t remember really connecting this rough conceptual understanding I had of pen-and-paper games with the CRPGs like Ultima that I was already playing.)

The first RPG I ever actually saw was the Batman Roleplaying Game. This was a spin-off of Mayfair’s DC Heroes, and I spotted it used in a long comic box at a small comic book convention in Minneapolis, MN. (This was a great little convention: They had Stan Lee, Jim Lee, Chris Claremont, and a half dozen other major names of the time. But the convention was so small, despite somehow attracting this talent, that you were able to get meaningful face-time and interaction with them.) The game was like $5 or $10 and I snapped it up.

(Why it was being sold used still leaves me a little baffled. This was the summer of 1989, so the game would have only just been released to tie-in with the Batman film release.)

Unfortunately, the game was completely impenetrable to me. If the game was designed to meaningfully tie into the Batman film (released that same summer) and attract new fans, then it failed miserably for my 10 year old self. I couldn’t figure out what you supposed to do with it.

So, in lieu of that, I ended up making my own BATMAN game. My brother played Batman and every single action was resolved using an opposed roll of 1d6: I, as GM, rolled an unmodified 1d6. My brother, as Batman, rolled an unmodified 1d6. If his roll was higher, he succeeded. If my roll was higher, he failed.

And we rolled for literally every declared action, leading to the one moment of hilarity I can remember from that game: Batman crashing the batmobile on his way back to the batcave.

Shortly after this, my father dug out an old copy of Middle Earth Roleplaying that he had acquired somehow (he never played himself). I read through that and found it nearly as impenetrable as the Batman Roleplaying Game (although with MERP I at least managed to create a character I never used for anything, IIRC).

Later that same year I finally convinced my mother to take me down to the local game store (Pinnacle Games in Rochester, MN). Pinnacle Games had the brand new 2nd Edition AD&D Player’s Handbook on display. But the word “Advanced”, combined with my experiences with both Batman and MERP, steered me away from that and towards the 1984 red-box Basic Set they also had displayed on top of the shelves. (I was under the impression that the Basic game must naturally be a precursor to the Advanced game.)

The red-box was just about perfect: The clear, transparent explanation of what a typical RPG session would look like. A solo playing experience so that you could get a taste of what the game had to offer without trying to convince other people to learn it with you. A subscription card for DRAGON magazine (which I saved my pennies and my dimes for and eventually sent in, receiving #162 as my first issue).

DRAGON helped me realize my mistake vis-a-vis the relationship between Basic Set D&D and Advanced D&D, so I ended up picking up the PHB and DMG later that fall. I ended up picking up a used copy of the 1st Edition Monster Manual instead of the 2nd Edition Monstrous Compendium and, in point of fact, continued using the 1st Edition MM until the 2nd Edition Monstrous Manual came out many years later.

Mayfair, TSR, Pinnacle, MERP, AD&D, and Basic Set D&D are all gone now. Even DRAGON Magazine is about to disappear. But I’m still here. And that’s how it all began.

I’ve found the DMG II to be a fairly frustrating supplement. It has rules for a lot of situations that I find it useful to have rules for, but I’ve found that essentially all of those rules are either needlessly complicated, unbalanced, incomplete, or some combination of the three.

Take the rules for burning buildings, for example: These rules have a marginal utility in designing an encounter with a building engulfed in flames. But they noticeably lack any rules for how such a fire might be started, prevented, or put out. The rules for how such a fire spreads are minimalistic almost to the point of non-existence (the fire spreads to a new 10′ by 10′ area every minute — which, paradoxically, means that the larger a fire is the longer it will take for it to spread outward). The rules also suggest reducing PC interactions with a burning building to a series of abstract skill checks encompassing several rounds at a time, oddly distancing them from what should be a fast-paced and dangerous encounter.

The rules I’ve devised for handling fires can be found below. They are being released under the OGL. Some of the material simply gathers existing rules for catching on fire, heat dangers, and the like from the DMG. The core of the rules are inspired from another source (check the Section 15 of the OGL), but I’ve significantly revised them with an eye towards streamlining them for easier use and reference.

ADVANCED RULES: FIRE

BASIC FIRES

A large fire is treated like a mindless construct with the following stats:

• Construct [fire]
• 1 HD (1d10) for every 5 ft. square it occupies (plus bonus hit points per a construct)
• Size determined by the number of squares it occupies
• No ability scores except for Dexterity 15
• BAB = ¾ HD (per cleric) (do not apply size modifier to attack bonus)
• Weapon Finesse (bonus feat)

A fire is immune to all attacks except water, cold, and smothering attacks.

• 1 gallon of water causes 1d6 points of damage
• Smothering a fire with a blanket causes 1d6 points of damage
• A quench spell destroys it completely

A fire can attack adjacent creatures, objects, or squares each round. It can make a number of attacks based on its size (see table).

SPREADING THE FIRE: When the fire attacks an adjacent square, it hits automatically and deals 1d6 points of damage. This is energy damage and is therefore halved against inanimate objects (although the DM can rule that certain materials are more vulnerable to fire and double this damage back to normal). The hit points of a square are determined by either its floor, wall, or ceiling (whichever is lowest).

Any items in the space being attacked are also struck by the fire and probably catch on fire. If an object in a space is on fire, the space it’s in also takes 1d6 points of damage each round.

As a special exception to the normal rule, accumulate all damage from a spreading fire into a single total for the round before applying the space’s hardness.

Once a square has lost half its hit points, the fire spreads to that square (increasing its size). However, once the square loses all of its hit points, the fire will burn out in that square (decreasing its size).

CHALLENGE RATING: A fire of size Large or smaller is CR 2. Larger fires are CR 4. Collapsing attacks or dangers increase the Challenge Rating by +1.

BUILDING COLLAPSE

Characters in a building with wooden ceilings and floors that have been burning at least 10 rounds may face collapse. There is a 20 percent chance each round in such a burning building that a character faces a +10 attack from a falling rafter or bit of ceiling; an attack that hits inflicts 2d6 points of damage.

If the fire has been burning for ten minutes or more, the entire ceiling might collapse instead (20 percent chance). In such a case, no attack roll is needed—all characters within suffer 8d6 points of damage (Reflex save, DC 15, for half damage).

CHARACTERS IN A FIRE

CATCHING ON FIRE: Creatures or objects struck by a fire suffer 1d6 points of damage. They are also at risk of catching on fire and must make a Reflex save (DC 15) to avoid this fate. If a character’s clothes or hair catch fire, they take an additional 1d6 points of damage immediately. In each subsequent round, the burning character must make another Reflex saving throw. Failure means they takes another 1d6 points of damage that round. Success means that the fire has gone out. (That is, once they succeed on their saving throw, they are no longer on fire.)

A character on fire can automatically extinguish the flames by jumping into enough water to douse themselves. If no body of water is at hand, rolling on the ground or smothering the fire with cloaks or the like as a full round action permits the character another save with a +4 bonus.

Those unlucky enough to have their clothes or equipment catch fire must make a Reflex save (DC 15) for each item. Flammable items that fail take the same amount of damage as the character.

Objects on fire do not benefit from their hardness.

IN A FIRE: Characters moving through a fire provoke an attack of opportunity from the fire (there is no limit to the number of attacks of opportunity a fire can take). Characters who end their turn in a fire are automatically hit by the fire.

HEAT DANGERS: Characters in a burning building are considered to be in severe heat. Those standing close enough to the fire are considered to be in extreme heat (see table for the danger distance, depending on the size of the fire). See Heat Dangers in the DMG for more information.

Severe Heat: In severe heat (above 110° F), a character must make a Fortitude save once every 10 minutes (DC 15, +1 for each previous check) or take 1d4 points of nonlethal damage. Characters wearing heavy clothing or armor of any sort take a –4 penalty on their saves. A character with the Survival skill may receive a bonus on this saving throw and may be able to apply this bonus to other characters as well. Characters reduced to unconsciousness begin taking lethal damage (1d4 points per each 10-minute period). A character who takes any nonlethal damage from heat exposure now suffers from heatstroke and is fatigued. These penalties end when the character recovers the nonlethal damage she took from the heat.

Extreme Heat: Extreme heat (air temperature over 140° F, fire, boiling water, lava) deals lethal damage. Breathing air in these temperatures deals 1d6 points of damage per minute (no save). In addition, a character must make a Fortitude save every 5 minutes (DC 15, +1 per previous check) or take 1d4 points of nonlethal damage. Those wearing heavy clothing or any sort of armor take a –4 penalty on their saves. In addition, those wearing metal armor or coming into contact with very hot metal are affected as if by a heat metal spell.

SMOKE INHALATION: Characters close enough to be suffering extreme heat from a fire are also close enough to be breathing heavy smoke. They must make a Fortitude save each round (DC 15 +1 per previous check) or spend that round choking and  coughing. A character who chokes for 2 consecutive rounds takes 1d6 points of nonlethal damage. Smoke obscures vision, giving concealment (20 percent miss chance) to characters within it.