Your honor, I think you will find — if you just peruse this report — that I was not speeding when the state trooper pulled me over.

Hmm… Who prepared this report? Well, I did of course.

Now, if you’ll just turn to page 2 you’ll find the general conclusion of the report: I am not guilty of speeding. On page 4 you’ll find the detailed diagrams demonstrating that if I was driving no more than 30 mph, I could not have been driving 40 mph when the officer pulled me over. And if you flip to page 7–

What’s that? My protestations of innocence don’t automatically me innocent?

I don’t understand.

It worked for Sarah Palin.

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