Pearl golems are one of the legendary jewel golems of Shandrala.

Although many think of pearl golems only in hues of cream and white, their birthing gems can be fashioned from a wide range of pearlescent colors — pink, blue, grey, aubergine, chocolate, and lavender, among others.

And in Greater Numbers. Among those who know the secrets of their creation, pearl golems are particularly popular constructs, in part because they are cheaper to create than most other golems. While they lack the magical enhancements of other jewel golems, they are more likely to appear in groups and will use their quick wits to coordinate their actions.

Iridescence. Pearl golems have some magical influence over the pearly iridescence of their “skin.” They appear to use this ability to silently communicate with each other in a mysterious visual language.

CONSTRUCTING PEARL GOLEMS

The birthing gem of a pearl golem must be a pearl worth at least 750 gp. This pearl must be polished and enchanted, but does not need to be cut. Preparing the pearl, therefore, requires a DC 10 Intelligence (Arcana). The golem costs 20,000 gp to create, which includes the cost of the birthing gem.

PEARL GOLEM
Small construct, Unaligned

---

Armor Class 17                                                 Initiative +3 (13)

Hit Points 60 (20d6)

Speed 30 ft.

---

STR 20 (+5), DEX 16 (+3), CON 18 (+4), INT 10 (+0), WIS 10 (+0), CHA 10 (+0)

---

Skills Athletics +7

Immunities Necrotic, Poison; Blinded, Exhaustion, Paralyzed, Petrified, Poisoned

Senses darkvision 60 ft.; passive Perception 12

Challenge 3 (700 XP; PB +2)

---

TRAITS

Magic Resistance. The golem has Advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

Spell Immunity. Pearl golems are immune to all spells except those which affect the quality of the air, such as cloudkill. Such spells deal either double damage or 2d6 damage to the pearl golem, whichever is higher.

---

ACTIONS

Multiattack. The pearl golem makes two Slam attacks.

Slam. Melee Attack Roll: +7, reach 5 ft. Hit: 12 (2d6+5)  Bludgeoning damage.

---

Pearl golems appear in The Vladaam Affair.

The legendary jewel golems of Shandrala were originally created through the mystic arts of the Jade Magi. Crafted from wondrous stones in great variety, they generally have the appearance of slender humanoids and are possessed of preternatural speed and grace, due to the spirits of air which animate them.

Those destroying these precious creations in the hopes of looting their gemstone bodies will be left disappointed, however: When the spirit of air which animates them escapes their broken bodies, the crystalline structure collapses, leaving behind a fractured form that quickly crumbles to worthless powder.

CONSTRUCTING JEWEL GOLEMS

The first step in the creation of a jewel golem is the selection and enchantment of the birthing gem, from which the golem’s physical body will eventually be crafted. The initial preparation of the birthing gem requires two weeks of work, during which the creator must spend at least 8 hours each day in a specially prepared laboratory or workroom, in which (among other things) a circle of carefully aligned mirrors is used to focus solar and lunar energy into the birthing gem. This chamber is similar to an alchemist’s lab and costs 500 gp to establish. In addition, this preparation consumes 1/10^th of the total cost of the golem in question.

Complication: Only the most exceptional of gems are capable of focusing the intense mystic energies that form the heart of a jewel golem. Lesser stones, or flawed stones, will shatter during the preparation process, but only after consuming the preparation cost.

Once the birthing gem has been prepared, the true work of creating the golem can begin. An extensive process of magical rituals, requiring two additional months to complete, must be performed. During this time, the gem is used as a crystalline matrix from which the body of the jewel golem is spontaneously created. In addition, the elemental spirit that powers the golem is gathered and bound to the evolving structure of the golem’s body.

During this period, when not working on the rituals, the creator must rest and can perform no other activities except eating, sleeping, or talking. Interruption of this work for any reason will cause the creator to lose control of the arcane energies they are attempting to harness, destroying the birthing gem and forcing them to start over from scratch if they wish to continue. Note, however, that once the birthing gem is prepared, the creator can wait as long as he likes before using the gem to actually construct the jewel golem. A gem prepared by one person can even be used by another person.

The cost listed for each jewel golem includes all materials and spell components that are consumed or become a part of it.

CONTROLLING JEWEL GOLEMS

There are two types of jewel golems: controlled and free.

A jewel golem’s creator can command a controlled golem if it is within 60 feet and can see and hear its creator. If uncommanded, a controlled golem usually follows its last instruction to the best of its ability, though if attacked it will respond appropriately. The creator can give the golem a simple program to govern its actions in their absence, such as “Remain in this area and attack all creatures that enter” (or only a specific type of creature), “Ring a gong and attack”, or the like. However, jewel golems are generally more intelligent than traditional golems, allowing them to carry out more complex tasks.

A jewel golem can become free in one of two ways.

First, if a jewel golem without an active command is separated from their master for a year and a day, it will automatically become free and capable of pursuing its own goals.

Second, a jewel golem following an active command can, once per year, attempt an Intelligence check against a DC equal to 5 + their creator’s level. On a success, they become free.

There are exceptions to these general guidelines:

• Aquamarine and opal golems are never controlled. They begin their existence as free golems.
• Diamond and pearl golems are always considered controlled, unless their master specifically gives them freedom.
• Moonstone golems are constantly contesting their control. They make an Intelligence check at the moment of their creation and every year thereafter until they are successfully free. (It’s rumored that certain “free” moonstone golems are still controlled by some greater imperative.)
• Bloodstone golems will obey the commands of anyone associated with the holy site they’re responsible for guarding. They can only become free golems if the holy site is completely destroyed, at which point they can attempt an Intelligence check for their freedom. On a failure, they continue guarding the place where the holy site once stood. (Dark bloodstone golems, however, follow the normal rules for controlling jewel golems.)

JEWEL GOLEMS
Pearl Golems

This material covered under the Open Game License.

I don’t like vicious mockery.

It’s a weirdly dissociated mechanic. If you kind of squint at it in the right light, you can almost see an association. Magically enhanced insults so utterly devastating that they can literally kill you with psychic damage seem like a thing you put your thumb on.

But can you actually describe in character what the spell is doing? If a bard casts vicious mockery and kills a dolphin, what actually happens? If you’re targeted by the spell, what does it feel like?

Your mileage may vary, but this is one of those mechanics that, when the players trigger it, I’m completely uncertain how to describe what actually happens. That’s a red flag, in my opinion. (See, also, non-divine guidance.) More often than not, it feels like casting the spell means we all disconnect from the game world for a bit, do some dice stuff, and then reconnect to the game world with no clear description of anything actually happening (except maybe someone keeled over and died).

Alternatively, you’ve got the issue where players feel like they need to improvise the insult they hurl at the target of the spell. (Or, often, the DM will demand it of them.) That, too, seems fine. But, if we can be honest for a moment, how easy do you find it to improvise an insult so withering that someone falling over dead after hearing it seems like a reasonable outcome?

What actually happens most of the time, of course, is a sort of comical mismatch:

Player: I call the dolphin “fish-face”!

DM: This insult overwhelms the dolphin, who instantly dies!

Yes, I understand that the insult has been “laced with subtle enchantments.” But, again, what does that actually look like?

The mechanics of the spell — first introduced in the Player’s Handbook 2 for 4^th Edition before being adapted for the 5^th Edition Player’s Handbook — are also getting more dissociated over time. In 2014, for example, your target had to hear the insults, “though it need not understand” them. (Which kind of raises the question of why it needs to be an insult at all.)

In the 2024 Player’s Handbook, however, this requirement is dropped. The target of the spell is now “one creature you can see or hear within range.”

So we’ve gone from insults that drive your foe into a blind rage to a spell where the target doesn’t even need to understand what you’re saying (I guess they can just tell from your tone) to, today, your target standing in a silence spell while unable to see you, but still being completely wrecked by how mean you’re being to them.

Mechanically speaking, though, there’s nothing wrong with “Wisdom save or suffer damage and disadvantage on your attack roll.” It also provides pretty core functionality for bards, so I don’t want to just nix it from my game.

So can we tweak the presentation of vicious mockery to achieve the same or similar mechanical effect without the issues?

ETHEREAL SONATA

With the aid of subtle enchantments, you pitch your voice so that it vibrates through the Ethereal Plane instead of through air. As these ethereal tones resonate with a target you can see and who can hear you, they psychically damage and discombobulate them.

VICIOUS MOCKERY (REDUX)

You utter an epithet from the primal ur-language which was used by the gods to carve the minds of the first sentient races in the multiverse. Infusing the curse with magic, you precisely tune it to a target you can see and who can hear you. On a failed Wisdom saving throw, the target’s mind momentarily rewrites itself, shaking them with the sudden belief that your disparagement is utter truth.

SONIC BARRAGE

Weaving your magic, you tune and focus the perfect pitch of your choice into a killing word directed at a target you can see and who can hear you.

Note: This version would be an evocation cantrip dealing thunder damage instead of psychic damage.

FURTHER READING
Guidance Sucks in 5th Edition

Astonishingly dense arcane runes cover every side of incredibly complex origami structures. In some places, translucent onion-skin has been layered over the paper, creating sections in which the runes are overlaid with each other, forming inscrutable and ever-shifting patterns.

A proper understanding of the origami folds — and the multiple orientations in which they are designed to be read — allows one to begin unraveling a truly innovative method by which glyphs of warding can be interwoven.

INTERWOVEN GLYPHS

Interweaving glyphs of warding requires an Intelligence (Arcana) check (DC 10 + the total level of the interwoven glyphs). Interwoven glyphs of warding are:

• Simultaneously triggered.
• More difficult to find and disable, increasing the DC of the checks to do so by +2 per additional glyph.
• More difficult to identify, requiring an Intelligence (Arcana) check of DC 10 + the total level of the interwoven glyphs of warding.

Each glyph of warding must be cast in sequence and without interruption. If the sequence is interrupted or the Spellcraft check fails, the glyph of warding spells are all lost to no effect.

The total level of glyphs is based on the level of the casting of glyphs of warding for explosive runes, or the level of the stored spell for spell glyphs.

ADVANCED SYMBOLOGY

Among the origami notes describing the interweaving of glyphs of warding, there is also an incomplete treatise analyzing how symbol spells could also be interwoven (both with each other and with glyphs of warding).

If completed, this advanced methodology would also raise the saving throw DC of all interwoven glyphs or symbols to the highest DC among all of the interwoven glyphs and symbols.

However, because the research has never been completed, a PC interested in these techniques would need to finish perfecting them as a downtime research project. (See p. 338 of So You Want To Be a Game Master.)

This material is covered by the Open Game License.

These creatures exist somewhere between parasitism and symbiosis. A writhing mass of thick tentacles, capable of great, undulating speed when independent, but vastly preferring to attach itself to the back of another creature.

Writhing Partners. Once attached to another creature, the tentacular demands compliance through the simple expedience of strangling its host if attempts to remove or threaten the tentacular in any way. The tentacular draws it sustenance from the blood of its host (and is otherwise incapable of feeding), but will also aid its host by defending it and helping it to gather food (usually through butchery and murder on a grand scale). Elves speak in hushed whispers of deer with blood-stained maws and squirming black masses on their backs.

Corpse Riders. If the host of a tentacular dies, some of its tentacles will vanish into the corpse and puppeteer. This state of affairs can last for several days until the rotten meat can no longer by forced into a facsimile of life. Such horrific creatures are often mistaken for undead.

Spawning Tentaculum. A tentacular reproduces by abruptly sprouting a multitude of small tentacles in a process known to scholars as “budding.” After tripling or quadrupling its number of tentacles, the tentacular will abruptly fission, “shedding” individual tentacles until it has split apart entirely. The individual tentacles seek new hosts, at which point the tentacles will sprout additional tentacles as it grows into an adult tentacular.

TENTACULAR
Small aberration, neutral evil

---

Armor Class 15

Hit Points 75 (20d6)

Speed 30 ft.

---

STR 12 (+1), DEX 15 (+2), CON 11 (+0), INT 3 (-4), WIS 10 (+0), CHA 5 (-3)

---

Skills Stealth +5

Senses passive Perception 10

Challenge 5 (1,800 XP)

Proficiency Bonus +3

---

Parasite. If not attached to a host, the tentacular must succeed at a DC 10 Constitution saving throw once per day or suffer one level of exhaustion, which cannot be removed until it attaches to a host. When the tentacular is attached to a host, the host must succeed on a DC 13 Constitution saving throw once per day or suffer one level of exhaustion, which cannot be removed as long the tentacular remains attached.

---

ACTIONS.

Multiattack. The tentacular makes four tentacle attacks.

Tentacles. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: 8 (2d6+1) bludgeoning damage. If the target is a creature, it is grappled (escape DC 15). Until this grapple ends, the target is restrained, and the tentacular can’t use its tentacles on another target.

Strangle. The tentacular forces a creature it is grappling to make a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or begin choking. Once a creature is choking, it can survive a number of rounds equal to its Constitution modifier (minimum 1 round). At the start of its next turn, it drops to 0 hit points and is dying, and it can’t regain hit points or be stabilized until it can breathe again. The creature can attempt the save again each round on its turn, with a success indicating that it has managed to get some air (and is no longer choking).

Attach. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 5 ft., one grappled target. Hit: 8 (2d6+1) necrotic damage and the tentacular attaches to the target. While attached, the tentacular can’t make Attach attacks. The tentacular can detach itself by spending 5 feet of its movement. As an action, a creature within reach of the tentacular can try to detach it, doing so with a successful DC 17 Strength check. (The attached victim has disadvantage on this check.)

---