The Alexandrian

The Jokes of Strahd

April 1st, 2023

The Jokes of Strahd (with Pun Dog!)

Why were the PCs always getting lost in Castle Ravenloft?
The dead ends.

Did you hear that Strahd has started writing poems dedicated to Tatyana?
He went from bat to verse.

What’s Strahd’s favorite artifact?
The neck of Vecna.

What should the PCs never say when answering Strahd’s invitation?
Bite me!

Why does Count Strahd have Wizard levels?
He’s a neck-romancer.

Why are there no mosquitoes in Barovia?
Strahd eliminated the competition.

Why did Strahd join the Creative Commons?
He likes his artists open range.

What happened when the PCs ran from Strahd and he gave chase?
They finished neck and neck!

Why doesn’t Strahd go on adventures?
He sucks the life out of the party.

Why didn’t the players enjoy the Castle Ravenloft campaign?
Strahd was a real pain in the neck!

Why was everyone upset about the 10 Greatest D&D Villains list released by Wizards of the Coast?
They forgot to count Strahd!

How do you beat Strahd at poker?
Raise the stakes!

Did you know that Strahd and Auril had a love child? Unfortunately, the baby suffered from a serious congenital condition…
A severe case of frostbite.

Why doesn’t Strahd incorporate Ravenloft?
He’s not a big fan of stakeholders.

Why doesn’t Count Strahd ever go to therapy?
He’s bad at self-reflection.

After you’ve killed Count Strahd, where do you go to loot his gold?
The blood bank.

Why did Strahd need a cure disease spell?
He couldn’t stop coffin.

What should the bard play while you’re fighting Count Strahd?
Another One Bites the Dust.

Did you hear about Strahd and Tatyana?
He loved in vein.

Why does Strahd always fail his Dexterity (Stealth) check?
He can’t stop coffin.

Why did Strahd want to kill the PCs?
They drove him batty.

Why did Count Strahd have to move out of Castle Ravenloft for a month?
It was getting re-vamp-ed!

What spell does Count Strahd use to control the drawbridge on Castle Ravenloft?
Re-moat control.

Why can Strahd never take a joke?
He’s pun-dead.

Monstrous To Do - Midjourney

DISCUSSING
In the Shadow of the Spire – Session 32C: Enter Arveth

Tor had barely reached the rope on the second floor when an axe thrown from below thunked into the windowsill next to him. He ducked back… and the former prisoners panicked, scattering through the upper level – some cowering in corners, another getting ambushed by a patch of violent slime that fell from the ceiling, a third trying to climb out of a different window only to fall with a scream into the cobbled alley below.

The default goal of a dungeon in D&D is to win fights: You go into the dungeon. You encounter monsters. You kill the monsters. You take their treasure. You leave the dungeon. Hurrah!

But defaults are boring.

This particular default, though, can be pretty sneaky. You can usually spot it, though, if you keep your eye out for “clear the dungeon” scenario goals.

For example: “My scenario isn’t just some crude, kick-down-the-door dungeon crawl! The PCs need to stop an eldritch rite which threatens to sever the connection between the Material Plane the Feywild!”

Okay, sure. And how do they stop it?

“They have to find the corrupted grove and journey into the liminal realm which connects all dryad trees!”

Awesome. And how do they actually stop the ritual?

“… they have to hunt down all the cultists in the dryad-realm and kill them.”

There’s nothing wrong with a good fight, nor with a pulp scenario where you solve your problems with fists and/or swords and/or blasters. (That adventure through a corrupted dryad-grove sounds amazing.)

But as I think the current session demonstrates, having non-combat goals — whether for a full scenario or just an individual encounter — makes the combat more interesting.

The raid on this abandoned apartment building was, if I do say so myself, a thrilling scenario. Both I and the players were fully engaged, grappling with a complex, multi-level environment filled with a variety of opponents and treacherous environments.

But the instant “save the prisoners” was introduced as an additional, non-combat goal everything was ratcheted up to another level. It added layers of complexity to the tactical situation, and by virtue of inherently creating a set-up with multiple goals (the default combat goal of “take them all out” plus the new goal), it turn calculations into choices.

The example in this session also demonstrates that these non-combat goals don’t always need to come from the GM. If you create a rich environment that responds dynamically to the players’ choices and actions, they’ll merrily set their own goals and complicate their own lives.

Campaign Journal: Session 33ARunning the Campaign: Fantasy Campaigns
In the Shadow of the Spire: Index

Ptolus - In the Shadow of the Spire
IN THE SHADOW OF THE SPIRE

SESSION 32C: ENTER ARVETH

December 20th, 2008
The 18th Day of Kadal in the 790th Year of the Seyrunian Dynasty

Arveth (Midjourney, Edited)

Tee went over to the door that the venom-shaped thrall had been guarding and found it, predictably, locked. But it was no more difficult than the last one. Swinging it open, however, she found an even more disturbing sight: Five prisoners shackled hand-and-foot to the floor.

Tor, nursing a sick suspicion, crossed to a cocoon that was enmeshed in one corner of the hall. With a single slice of his sword, he cut it open… and a vaguely humanoid form tumbled out in a gush of acidic liquid.

“Venom-shaped… Shaped by venom.” Horror and disgust were mixed evenly in his voice.

Tee moved to free the nearest prisoner. They immediately panicked. “No! Not me! Where are you taking me?”

“It’s okay. It’s okay, I’m here to help.”

As Tee worked to undo their shackles, Agnarr headed back down the hall and grabbed the unconscious spellcaster from where they’d left him in the entryway. He wanted to keep a close eye on that one.

Questioning the prisoners they quickly determined that they had been brought here only a few days ago. There had originally been eight of them, but the cultists had been taking them away one at a time. Three of them had been kidnapped from around the city (mostly straight off the streets), but the other two reported being sold through a black market slave trade of some sort running through the Teeth of Light. And one of these reported seeing a temple with a statue of a rat-shaped man in it, leading Tor and Elestra to conclude that the followers of the Rat God must be involved, as well.

ENTER ARVETH

But what were they going to do with the prisoners? Tee definitely didn’t want to be responsible for them. And she knew that the building was being watched. They eventually decided to give each of the prisoners 10 gold pieces, told them to cover their faces, run for it, and get as far away from here as they could as quickly as possible.

But as they gathered them up to lead them out the front door, Elestra and Ranthir – who were still standing in the hall – suddenly whirled towards the front door. Two people had just come in: A blond woman and a thuggish man.

The woman hissed. “Kill them.”

Then she drank a potion and disappeared.

Tee quickly shouted at the prisoners to head upstairs – there was a window with a rope: “Get out. Get out as fast as you can. Go!”

Tor rallied the prisoners and led them upstairs. Ranthir, meanwhile, dropped a thick web into the entryway – it clearly caught the thug and he hoped it had caught the invisible woman, as well.

What they couldn’t see through the thick web, however, was that both the thug and the invisible woman had ripped their way out of the web, gone back through the front door, and were circling the building.

Tor had barely reached the rope on the second floor when an axe thrown from below thunked into the windowsill next to him. He ducked back… and the former prisoners panicked, scattering through the upper level – some cowering in corners, another getting ambushed by a patch of violent slime that fell from the ceiling, a third trying to climb out of a different window only to fall with a scream into the cobbled alley below.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Tee and Ranthir were rapidly gathering up the papers and alchemical equipment from the laboratory.

Between the axe and the panicking prisoners, Tor didn’t notice the subtle shifting of the rope as the invisible woman climbed it. She appeared suddenly before him as her knife plunged into his shoulder.

Grunting heavily, Tor dragged her through the window with her dagger still buried in him and then slammed his sword into her. She crumpled in the corner.

By the time he’d yanked the dagger out, however, the axe-throwing thug had reached the window, as well. The thug took one swing with his axe – which Tor easily ducked – and then was run through the heart with the electric-arc of Tor’s return thrust.

Tor turned to Dominic. “Heal the woman, then we’ll haul her downstairs and ask some questions.”

While Dominic did that, Tor and Tee gathered up the rest of the prisoners. One of them, unfortunately, had been killed by the violet slime. The one who had fallen out of the window had broken his leg, but Elestra was able to heal that. Then they sent them on their way. “Get as far from here as you can.”

While Agnarr and Dominic kept an eye on the prisoners – making sure that they got away safely – the others quickly mopped up the various nests and cocoons left scattered throughout the complex, making sure that the cultists’ work here was completely destroyed. They left only the barricaded room with its dangerous, gelatinous tentacles, which they resolve to deal with before going down the hole.

They reconvened on the first floor. The woman (who Tee identified as Arveth, who had recruited her into the Brotherhood) and the spellcaster were traussed up in the manacles that had formerly held the prisoners.

They were in for a rude awakening.

Running the Campaign: Non-Combat Goals Campaign Journal: Session 33A
In the Shadow of the Spire: Index

Feng Shui – Using Mooks

March 30th, 2023

Feng Shui - Cyber-Gorilla Mook Battle

Enemies in Feng Shui — the action movie RPG of fast and furious combat inspired by the classic Hong Kong films of Jackie Chan, John Woo, Tsui Hark, Michelle Yeoh, and Jet Li — are split into four types: Mooks, Featured Foes, Bosses, and Uber-Bosses.

Mooks, in particular, are treated a little differently by the system. First, they’re significantly worse than any other foe in terms of statistics. And, second, they instantly get knocked out of the fight if they get hit. Don’t even bother rolling for damage.

(If you’re thinking, “Hey! That sounds like minions from D&D 4th Edition!” you’re not wrong. They got the idea from Feng Shui.)

The goal is that you can — and should! — stuff your fight scenes full of disposable mooks to create frenetic action and allow the PCs to show off their badassitude. (Even in a baseline fight, you’ll have 3 mooks per PC, and the number only goes up from there. In fact, when you want to make an easier fight, you actually increase the number of mooks, albeit while decreasing the number of featured foes.)

Feng Shui also uses a 1d6 – 1d6 core mechanic, so for every check you’re rolling two d6’s. That means that the GM is going to be rolling a lot of dice to resolve all of their attacks. Despite all that dice rolling, though, it’s quite likely that literally none of those attacks will hit. (They are just mooks, after all.)

If you roll all of those attacks one at a time, this can be a huge drag on gameplay.

One option to avoid this is to roll fistfuls of dice! There’s an article here on the Alexandrian that dives in to a lot of different techniques you can use to make this work.

Another option is to use a mook sheet: A big sheet full of pre-rolled mook attack roles. They look like this:

Feng Shui - Mook Sheet

The idea is that, rather than rolling dice, you can just use the values on the sheet, crossing them off for each mook attack.

Atlas Games actually provides an online tool that will let you generate new copies of these sheets.

A problem you can run into with either technique, though, is that — if the mooks all just make straight-up attacks — they can whiff a little too often. This is, of course, what lets you have so many of them in a scene, but if the players no longer feel as if the mooks are a relevant threat it can render the mooks moot.

Fortunately, the solution is a simple technique: combat boosts.

In Feng Shui, characters can perform a combat boost as a 3-shot action to help out another character. A boost can:

  • Grant +1 to the recipient’s next attack.
  • Grant +3 to the recipient’s Defense against the next attack (and all others in the same shot).

Instead of having the dozen mooks in your fight scene all flail ineffectually, what you should be doing is having each of them perform a combat boost.

You might have the mooks form up into small gangs: Five mooks working together can boost the attack value for one of their number to be roughly equal to a featured foe. A dozen can swarm over a hero, with eleven performing an attack boost and the twelfth packing a boss-size punch.

Alternatively, you can have the mooks group up with a featured foe or boss, either boosting their attacks to devastating levels and/or creating an almost impenetrable defense with their defensive boosts.

You’ll want to make sure to weave these boosts into your narration of the fight: Describe the mooks grabbing PCs by the arms and allowing their boss to land a crushing blow or throwing themselves in front of their boss to take a shot. You could even describe misses as the PCs being unable to get close to the big bad guy through the swirling swarm of mooks!

You want to make it clear to the players that the mooks are the problem, and that they’re going to continue to struggle against the featured foes until they clear out the riff-raff.

Fortunately, it’ll still be quite easy to do that.

They’re just mooks after all.

Auction Poster - Kit8 d.o.o.

Go to Campaign Status Documents

If we’re talking about information that can be encoded in the campaign status document, then with trackers we’re getting pretty primal with it.

Literally any aspect of the campaign that you need to keep track of over the course of several sessions?

Put it on the campaign status document.

For example, I have a tendency to default to warm, sunny days in my description of the campaign world. To counteract that, I’ll use a random weather generator, pregenerate the results for several days, and then put them on my campaign status document:

WEATHER

10/20/790: Cloudy, high 43°F, low 31°F, light wind

10/21/790: Windy, high 50°F, low 40°F, moderate wind

10/22/790: Overcast, high 48°F, low 34°F, light wind

10/23/790: Fog, high 58°F, low 41°F, moderate wind

10/24/790: Clear, high 42°F, low 31°F, light wind

10/25/790: Windy, high 41°F, low 24°F, moderate wind

At the beginning of each session, I’ll take the current day’s weather, write it on a Post-it note, and put it on my GM screen to remind me.

For the In the Shadow of the Spire campaign, I used a simple reputation system. That actually goes on the first page of my campaign status document, since it may be referenced during almost any social interaction:

REPUTATION

FAME: 8

INFAMY: 0.5

FAME:  Rescued Phon. Recovered Jasin’s body. Castle Shard party. Shilukar’s bounty. Association with Dominic. Tavan Zith riot. Killing of the Columned Row Killer. Freeing slaves and children from Temple of the Rat God. Paid repatriation costs for slaves from Porphyry House raid. Arrest ordered by Carrina.

Even more common than these permanent installations, for me, are bespoke trackers that get created as the result of the PCs’ actions.

For example, the PCs took one of their bags of holding and dedicated it corpses they want to talk to, either until they get speak with dead prepped or, after casting the spell the first time, until the one week time limit runs out and they can cast it again. (They call it their dead-icated bag.) Rather than scrambling through campaign journals and other notes trying to figure out the last time that they talked to, for example, Arveth, I simply added a tracker to my campaign status document indicating the last time they talked to one of their corpses:

SPEAK WITH DEAD ROSTER

Arveth: 10/19/790

Medusa: 10/18/790

Wulvera: 10/26/790

These bespoke trackers can also be more complicated. The same PCs looted twenty living paintings — paintings that are magically animated — while looting a dungeon. They ended up approaching the Winsome Gallery in the Nobles District to see if they would buy the paintings. I decided that the Winsome would buy some of them, but didn’t have enough cash on hand to buy all of them. Instead, they would put them on display and seek out buyers on the PCs behalf.

The PCs agreed to this.

Many sessions later, the PCs ended up looting Lithuin vases from a different adventure and the PCs once again decided to approach the Winsome Gallery. The result is this section of my campaign status document:


LIVING PAINTINGS / LITHUIN VASES

20 paintings total / 5 bought by Winsome Gallery

25% chance per day of selling 1d3 paintings

675gp per painting – 5400 gp on hand + 1000 gp from bidding war

Updated: 10/20/790

Winsome Owns: #13, #16, #17, #19, #20

On Display at Winsome: #19 – A figure pierced through by a great hook of iron, depending from the ceiling on a chain. Swaying gently back and forth.

Remaining Paintings: #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #14, #18

10/2/790: sold #6,

10/3/790: Vladaams purchase #5

10/10/790: sold #3, #15 – House Dallimothan, bidding war with House Cath on #3 following Interlude 2

10/11/790: sold #1

10/14/790: sold #4, #12 – House Sadar

10/18/790: sold #2

WINSOME GALLERY

  • Wylsaen Faechild, owner and expert (male elf, Expert 1)
  • Nerr, a friendly art dealer (original arrangement for living portraits)

CHECKING IN

  • Wylsaen has noticed that the eyes of painting #20 (depicting Alchestin) opened “about a week” after they purchased the painting. They had to take it off display because the eyes would follow those in the room unnervingly.
  • Paintings proved quite notable after House Vladaam purchased one on the 5th: House Dallimothan, who purchased two of the paintings, was curious about their provenance and left a standing inquiry that the gallery is now passing along.

VASES OF LITHUIN (NOD5A, Area 7)

  • Wylsaen unfamiliar with them, but Nerr identifies them correctly.
  • Couldn’t dream of splitting the collection, but also can’t afford it for the gallery. Willing to pay 25,000 gp immediately and outright. Otherwise, they’ll try to find a buyer at the 40,000 asking price. (5% chance per day of a buyer presenting themselves)

Let’s break this down a bit.

(“Why bother with all this?” you may ask. First, the cashflow of the PCs is a significant element of the campaign at this point, having a major impact on the solutions they can pursue to various problems. Second, it results in some interesting roleplaying and opportunities for the PCs to make social connections.)

At the top of the section is the mini-system I created for randomly determining when the paintings sell. It starts with a quick summary of the initial conditions (there were 20 total paintings, 5 of which were purchased directly by the Winsome). Then, each day, I roll d% and see if any paintings sell. If they have, I roll 1d3 to see how many sold. After that, the prices the PCs agreed to with the Winsome are recorded, following by how much money the Winsome has one hand from previous sales (and will turn over to the PCs). Finally, I list the campaign date when I last checked sales (to make sure I don’t skip a day or accidentally check multiple times per day).

Following that is a roster of the paintings available for sale. For a full description of each piece, I would need to refer back to the original adventure, but I do list the full description of #19 specifically because the Winsome has it on display (and I will mention and describe it to the PCs when they come back).

Then a breakdown of which paintings sold when, this includes — as you can see — notes about particularly significant buyers (who might be of interest to the PCs or vice versa).

Following that are some Key Info entries for Wylsaen, their contact at the Winsome Gallery, that I can use while roleplaying him next time.

Finally, since the PCs have declared their intention to bring the Lithuin Vases here, I’ve put together some preliminary notes for how that interaction will go (which also includes a reference to where I can find the original description of the vases so that I can find it easily).

It turns out the PCs have been distracted by a lot of other stuff lately, so the vases have just been sitting in a bag of holding (not the dead-icated bag, that would be be gross) and these notes have been patiently waiting for several sessions.

Next: Continuity Notes

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